


Breathe.

by PetschxMendes



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Cheryl/Toni - Freeform, Choni Angst, Depression, F/F, Suicide Attempt, choni, idk what else to tag, im sorry, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:44:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetschxMendes/pseuds/PetschxMendes
Summary: Breathe, they say. In any stressful situation they tell you to breathe. To focus on breathing and not the thoughts what cloud your restless mind. But what do you do when you can’t breathe? When you have given all you can. The basic bodily function, the epitome of being alive. Gone





	Breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are sensitive about the topic of Suicide, please don’t read this fic. 
> 
> Twitter: @PetschxMendes
> 
> I’m sorry for any mistakes!

Breathe. It’s so funny isn’t it? The whole meaning of being alive is based on the fact you can breathe. 

It’s so simple, something that comes naturally to us. But think about it, you can control the pace in which you breathe, the amount of air you inhale, the duration and the volume in which you take in. Or you can choose to not breathe at all.

I, choose not to. 

The water ran so fast and warm, like the angered breath you inhale after a heated argument. It’s natural, for your lungs to require more oxygen. In a way they are comforting you, telling you to breathe. Reassuring you that its okay, you are still alive.

Stepping into the tub you feel the warmth upon your once cold body. Deciding not to fight the foreign sensation you let it consume you as you slip down into the bath tub. Emptiness, is what you feel, or in your case you don’t, you feel nothing. Caring was useless. Loving was futile. It just ended in a sad spiral of emotions and then... you gave up.

It was time I guess, time to let go of all of the worries that once burdened your thoughts. Time to let go of the ones you thought cared for you the most. Time to let go of the feeling of home once embedded in the person you thought you could give your everything to. She who made you feel as if you were something. She who once held you tight and told you it would be okay. She who no longer needed you, but instead would replace you with someone who could be everything you couldn’t.

Breathe. 

Sometimes it was just was easier, to forget about the world around you. It’s not like they even remember you exist. You’re second best after all, the person they come to when their first isn’t available. Guidable, that’s what you are. Allowing them to use you, to walk all over you and then leave as if nothing happened. Would they remember, she who meant nothing to them? 

Your body became submerged in the water, the warm fluid beginning to fill your ears. Silence. The only thing you have is your thoughts, the things that pushed you to be where you are now. It’s scary I guess, the fact that something that doesn’t physically exist can be the reason you give up all hope. 

Breathe.

Well, this isn’t the first time you’ve tried. That time at Sweet Water River, you know, the time that nobody speaks of. Did they really care? Or did they just want to be the group of kids that saved the poor blossom girl. Pathetic, you couldn’t even do just that. I suppose this is for the best, they won’t remember you anyway. You pushed them all away because it’s the only thing you’re good at.

Breathe, it’ll be your last. 

Staring up at the ceiling you close your eyes, letting the darkness consume you as you sink deep into the water. Darkness. 

You lay there, senseless, hearing nothing but the sound of your own beating heart. Seeing nothing but the darknesses that lays beneath your eyelids. Feeling nothing. It’s so ironic. That in the moment you are your most vulnerable you feel the most free. Free of all the burdens, feel of all the thoughts. 

You could feel your body giving up, using every last bit of energy to keep you alive. 

But why? It was time to let go. You had done everything you could. You’re only hurting yourself, nobody else. They don’t care. They never do, they never did and they never will.

Breathe, they say. In any stressful situation they tell you to breathe. To focus on breathing and not the thoughts what cloud your restless mind. But what do you do when you can no longer breathe? When you have given all you can. The basic bodily function, the epitome of being alive. Gone.

Your lungs begin to fill with the warm liquid that surrounded you. You didn’t fight it. Why would you? Your fight is over. They can’t hurt you anymore. 

Time. Whether it be seconds, minutes or hours it all counts. Like a the ticking of a clock your thoughts go back and forth within your mind. How long have you been submerged. How long until somebody finds you. 

Voices. You hear voices. Not the ones you hear in your head but ones that seem familiar to you. Worry, fear, pain. You could hear it. But why? Why now and not then, why now and not when you needed it the most. It was too late. Too late to shout, too late to fight. Your battle was is already lost. 

You could feel it. Your lifeless body being pulled from out of the water. Why try, it’s too late. 

Soft hands caress your skin, moving wet strands of fiery red hair away from your face. 

“Quick! Somebody, anybody please! Call an ambulance”.

It’s her. That voice. It’s her

It’s Toni.

Why did she come looking for me. I thought I made it clear that she didn’t need me. I thought i made it clear that she was better off without me. Why did she come back, why did i have to pull her into this mess.

“V she isn’t breathing”

“The Ambulance is in its way, Toni”

The warm hand still laid on your cheek, her thumb drawing circles upon the delicate skin. So cold and pale. 

“Please Cheryl, don’t give up on me now. I’m here, okay? I’m not leaving until i know you’re safe. I promise i won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

You could hear the pain within her voice, the pain in which you caused. But why? Why did she come back for you. You mean nothing to her, she deserves better. 

Darkness. In any other situation darkness would be scary to you. People are scared of the unknown. They like to be in control of their future but who knows? Who knows what will happen to you. All you know for certain is that you are dead. Cheryl Blossom. Dead.

The piercing sound of sirens fill your ears, drowning out the rushed voices filling the inside of the ambulance. Why are they fighting for me? Why am I fighting to stay alive. 

Deep inside no one ever really wants to say goodbye. We’re all scared of death one way or another because there is always something to live for. Scared that you will no longer exist it guides the choices that we make. So what is my something to live for? What do i have in this world that is worth living for? 

To live is to breathe, to breathe is to forget.

So here we are. The place between being alive and dying. If they told you that not breathing was this tedious, would you have done it? 

What if she got to you sooner. Just as you were about to step foot into the bath tub, she’d wrap her arms around your body, telling you it would be okay. She’d look after you, she’d keep you safe. She is home, why did you not see this sooner. Why did you not see what was right in front of you. Her and no one else, she was the only one and yet you let her go. You pushed her away. Why didn’t you fight for her? 

She, Toni, she’s your reason to live. 

Beathe.


End file.
